My Mr Big - Part 2

The copper and I hadn't long broken up when I agreed to let him come round to talk, and allow me the chance to have my say.  When he walked in I couldn't help but notice that I still fancied the pants off him.  Even though he'd hurt me so much.  The pull towards this guy was nuts.  


He sat down and I explained how I felt that the relationship was one-sided.  He would come into my life and go again.  It didn't feel like a relationship.  I had this wonderful man in my life who had a tough job but cared for me and I wanted to show him off but he couldn't understand why it was a problem that I couldn't.  He had a room at a mates place but due to his shifts he mostly lived at work so I'd never even been to his place.  He didn't understand that me never meeting his friends or family or the fact that he was quite a closed book wasn't the norm.  I was dating a complete and utter cave man.  He apologised for hurting me and said that texting was such a shitty way to do it but just couldn't face the conversation.  Quite like the one we were just having.  I got upset and he came to console me... But the chemistry just threw us back in the sack again.  It was amazing.  As always only more passionate, more hot.  Oh god.


Slowly things picked up again.  But this time when we were together it was even more intense.  Like we'd not seen each other for so long and we couldn't let each other go.  It was quite casual though and after a while I just couldn't keep up the pretence that I was cool with that.  And after a few months passed I decided I couldn't keep wasting my life on an emotional fuck-tard who couldn't commit (or rather, didn't want to) to a proper relationship.  I deserved more.  I wanted more.  I just couldn't handle not being let in.  The closed doors.  Hearing things like "I don't introduce anyone to my friends or family until at least a year", never hearing the words "I love you" and knowing that I did and he didn't.  


And so I called time.  At least I called though, but had a feeling he knew it was coming. He didn't try and talk me round or fight for us (they never do), but sadly agreed that he was just letting me down and it wasn't fair.  Why didn't he want to make it work?  Why are men so accepting when the other person calls time?  I am a firm believer in the fact that if you really want it to work you will move mountains to make it.  I guess my mountain just wasn't worth moving...