The Environmentalist

I met this man, lets call him Andy, on a dating site and agreed to meet him one week night after work, in my favourite local cocktail bar.  When meeting dates I sometimes try to be about 5 minutes late, just so I'm not the one sitting there like a lemon, waiting and trying not to look uncomfortable if he's watching.... or dread to think, being blown out because he's seen me and runs in the opposite direction!  As it happens he was there before me.  I walked in my heart sank straight away because I knew I didn't find him attractive but was soooooo put off by the attire.  I know I might sound snobby or shallow but if I don't like it I don't like it.  He wore black shoes that looked like the ones we'd worn in school, a long navy blue v-necked winter coat that can only be described as (having worked with them for 10 years)  an accountants' coat, with a v-necked jumper underneath (no scarf to hide the two v's).  We had a couple of drinks and did the obligatory "getting to know you" chit-chat.  Andy then suggested grabbing something to eat, and as I was starving, having rushed home to freshen up and change and totter into town without getting a sweat-on I agreed.  Well, his company wasn't too bad, and I do have a tendency to stay a little too long even when I don't fancy them.  


So we had a nice enough dinner, but during the conversation he revealed that he was an environmental activist and on weekends he spends his time organising a team of people who go round the towns in the borough (probably in cars) in the mornings noting down the serial numbers of all the street lamps left on, wasting energy. Rather him than me!  I've not met anyone with such a weird pass-time. 


Between munching on over-greasy tapas we talked about driving and I mentioned that I didn't drive yet but was planning to start soon.  (I was rather late at passing my driving test.  I was nearly 30 and about to move to London, so I needed to be quick.  I was fortunate enough to pass first time though, not needing a low-cut top or short skirt thank you very much).  He asked me, "You don't drive?  You don't have a car?  But when you do pass your test you will get a car?"  Clearly, more concerned about the environment than he was I explained that while doing the long schlep of a commute to London by train I wouldn't need a car, so probably not, no.  He was so shocked and I think a little put off by it.  I didn't get it, why have a car if I'm not going to use it, who's the one concerned about the o-zone here matey?


At the end of the meal I excused myself to go to the bathroom and when I got back he'd paid for the meal....ooops.  I wasn't wanting that to happen knowing I wouldn't be seeing him again.  Anyway, on the walk to the car he said straight out "So I'd really like to see you again..."  Now... I NEVER just say it how it is here, I'm normally so embarrassed that I've been asked that question to my face that I normally just fumble a shy embarrassed blushing "Huh huh yeah me too" bluff and follow up with a text or email the next day (I know I know... I'm a wimp, just don't want the following to happen.....)


So this night I thought I would tell the truth straight up, for a change, so I said that the chemistry wasn't there for me but I did have a really good evening, to which he snapped back "Well at least you got a free meal out of it eh!"  I explained that I wanted to go 50/50 and was expecting to pay my own way and would even like to go via a cash point and give him half the money but he wasn't having any of it.  He had the hump. 


The next day believe it or not, Andy text me asking if he could make it up to me by cooking me dinner at his house, he said he'd drive over and pick me up and drop me home again after and I'd also be able to meet his two cats, one with three legs and one with an ear missing.  Delightful.  But I was still miffed at his reaction from the night before I didn't really want to see him again.  Happy light spotting for all I care!


What is the right protocol for ending a date when you know you don't want to see them again?  Personally I've had some incidents where men haven't taken the negative response very well face to face so I am more inclined to follow up the next morning with a "In reflection I don't think we're quite suited but I had a lovely evening, best of luck with your search" type of text!  Is that OK?