A colleague heard I was going speed dating, and clearly desperate for articles to pad out the team newsletter, talked me into writing about it. I guess this was his way of finding out if it’s worth going or not. I only went (and now this is the truth) because my friend was going to this ‘Singles Party’ on her own, I didn't really know it was even speed dating. So I registered with City Silk, and paid my £15 and decided to go with. I received the confirmation email detailing the agenda, speed dating started at 7pm. Oh.
My friend was going to meet me there but I stupidly got there early. It was in the upstairs of a very open bar and as I walked in loads of people looked at me and I felt like I had a beacon on my head saying "SINGLE AND DESPERATE". I walked to the stairs and saw a poster saying “City Silk – Speed Dating” and thought “Oh great, tell everyone why don’t you!” As I climbed the stairs of doom I realised I must have been early because there was one guy at the bar (who I thought actually worked there but later jumped on me when I was getting a drink), two guys sitting together (I think I’ll pass, thanks) and a woman on her own. “Whoa, slim pickings” I thought.
I registered, had a chat to a host about the name badge, the ‘ice breaker’ cards and optional speed dating. My ice breaker card was...Gromit…the dog. I was meant to find my partner, who I guess would have been Wallace, eh? Hang on, isn't Gromit a male dog? I later discovered most of the other women had female characters like Dempsey from Dempsey and Makepeace or Bat girl. I was a dog. A male dog at that. A positive start to the evening!
Anyway, there was one good looking guy arriving behind me so I got my drink and after he got his, he joined me; Fernando from South America. Cracking gnashers and a nice tan to boot. I was definitely talking to the best looking man in the room (mind you that wasn't hard!) I discovered he was only 26, damn!
My friend soon arrived, got her drink and joined us. Later as some more people arrived I thought the night might not be a total wash out after all. There were around 25 women and maybe a few more men. There were about 14 tables for speed-dating and three rounds. We were given a card on which you wrote the man’s name and next to it tick ‘friends’, ‘date’ or ‘no thanks’. At the end of the night we were to hand them in and they would pass on contact details to those mutually interested in one another. The age range in this group was between 25-45, so most of the men were too old or too young anyway!
I was in the first round. Nice gnashers decided to sit opposite me (of course) and when the time started he fired questions at me in typical speed dating style; What music am I into? What do I do in my spare time? Yadda yadda yadda. I ticked ‘date’ on my sheet after he left even though he worked for Squeezy Jet, I’ll let him off that one. Next came a very petite Irish guy, nice accent but glassy looking eyes. They stared right through me and he didn’t seem to be listening to a word I was saying. I lost interest and quickly marked him a ‘no thanks’. The rest seemed to come and go in a haze, I’d really lost interest. Needless to say they were all no’s. There was one man who was okay and a few younger guys. I remember practically bombarding one guy who also had an iPhone with a new app I’d acquired where you can watch live TV, then time was up and he had to move on. I don’t think I stopped to breathe or gave him a chance to talk, whoops!
When round two and three happened my friend and I decided to sit out and chat at the bar. I got chatting to a man from a town close to my home town, where I spent the first 15 years of my life. He wasn't my type but was a really nice guy. Then an old looking 42yr old doctor tried chatting me up, asking me to share a nice bottle of wine with him, gave me his contact details and said he’d supply me with vallium if ever I needed it! Did I look like I needed a vallium? No thanks. There were several desperados left at the end of the night, one rather plump chap with breath so bad it could strip woodchip wallpaper! My friend and I were tempted to invite them all to the 80's club Reflex which was only round the corner, and watch them go on the dance floor but opted for a quiet one, just the two of us, in an old man pub in Bow Lane instead. I didn't bother handing my form in at the end of the night, I think I saw Fernando ticking rather a lot of boxes! And I didn't find my Wallace. Was he even there? Instead I decided to hang up my speed dating shoes. For now!
